The Qualities of a Champion

Finally

2010-05-04T19:38:00.000-07:00

Someone put a video of this on Youtube. This is THE DOUBLE that Edgar Martinez hit and brought in two runs to beat the Yankees in the 1995 Division Series. Even if you don't care about baseball, watch it. Everything about it reminds me of my young childhood, Dave Niehaus' voice, the Fletcher's Fine Foods sign in left field, the Kingdome, the fireworks shooting down from the roof of the stadium, the jerseys, everything about this makes me happier.

Go M's!

Shizzle gizzle garr

2010-04-27T18:13:00.000-07:00

I know I do these list post things a lot, but just let it happen.

Lately:

1. Someone commented on my long fingers and asked if I played the piano. This means that this year someone has asked me if I was hispanic, a few select people say I look like John Legend, and one person saw my hands and thought: piano. As a result, my new name is Juan Legend.

2. You know that lesbian Melissa Ethridge? First off, she isn't a very good singer. Second off, I've heard her new single Fearless Love about twice this week on TV. She is most likely talking about her love with another 'lady', probably a softball player.

3. The Asians struck back in my last post, commenting in English and thanking me for my message a while ago. This is turning into a full out war, me against these Asians. Who will win? Let's just say it'll be a WWII repeat. I can say that, I'm in AP US History.

4. I got my Eagle and after comparing my slideshow with the other two kids', I realized how big of a freak I am/ have been. i.e. One picture showed me spooning with Dustin on a car ride, another showed just my ankle with a fake tattoo I got on New Years. Also, Abby photoshopped my head onto an eagle.

5. Pirate O's is still not hiring.

6. Mariners baseball has begun, and they aren't doing too hot to start out, but the World Series will be theirs come October.

7. The Melissa Ethridge song is playing again right now on TV in the background. Rats.

8. I got a 23 on the ACT, which isn't too hot, but I can live with it. I got the scores I needed to get into certain classes next year, so I'm good for now. Boo Yah!

Welp. See ya.

Impulses I Hold Back

2010-04-19T19:16:00.000-07:00

I see many things every day at school that inspire/drive me to think of ludicrous things to do.
Examples:

1. I want to make a fake SBO poster with my face on it and a made - up SBO position, like Captain or something. Also, I would make it out of wood or metal so I could destroy all of the other signs.

2. Barricading myself in the attendance office and making my own announcements.
"Key Club meeting after school today, except nobody cares! The football team lost to Bingham yesterday, a special thanks to Johnson orthodontics for supplying the starting quarterback and all of the teams' cleats. If you are interested in becoming a math club officer next year, you are a huge nerd. All graduating seniors need to turn in your honor cords applications to Mrs. Stupid by Friday. Or you could go buy some colored rope from Home Depot and drape that around your neck. Mr. Barney, retire immediately. (My old math teacher. He's about eighty years old, surly, and terrible.) We'd like to congratulate Mr. Rozanas/ Jesus for donating his luscious locks to Locks of Love. Go 'Diggers!"

3. Taking the giant A banner on the walls in the front hallway and taking a nap, using it like a blanket. Then using the velvet rope valiantly protecting it to put around my sleeping area.

4. Starting to dance and sing on the tables during lunch. Not in a gay way, that's not how I roll, but to see how many people I could get to join me.

5. Taking all of the SBO's and class officers' jackets and donating them to DI.

Welp. See ya.

I'll give you 20 bucks if you say stretchy pants

2010-04-11T12:17:00.000-07:00

So, I'm at church today, right? Right after sacrament meeting ends, I'm walking out of the chapel when a guy in our ward stops me.

Churchgoer: (Shaking my hand) Hey, didn't you just get back off a mission?
Me: No, I'm seventeen. I have a brother out though.
Churchgoer: (Looking at me suspiciously) Oh... How's he doing?

For years I was mistaken for Abby on the phone, now people think I'm Dustin in person and on the phone. But do I really look old enough to be a returned missionary? The answer is no.

Yeah. I went there.

2010-04-06T16:16:00.000-07:00

So, you know those Draper moms with the vinyl families on their car? Of course you do. Well, I accidentally got a vinyl boy and vinyl dog for my birthday and now they are on the back window of my car.
Shoutout to my aunts Sue and Jenny for giving them to me.

Also, I have an idiot story. About me.
So, I'm about to go down to my room to 'get ready' for the priesthood session on Saturday. If you haven't been in our house, the ceiling above the stairs to our basement comes to a corner. Naturally, after living in this house for 8 years I had no idea this corner existed. So, I went to skip the last two stairs, jumped too high, and bing!
I won't give details, but it was gross. I ended up getting six staples in my head from a gay, or very femme doctor. Here is a picture of my staples. They're pretty cool, kids. And all I can do to that part of my head is put neosporin on it. I can't get it wet in the shower, which is pretty awkward/tough. It feels nasty. I can't wait to get them out on Monday.

Welp. See ya.

Get out the rye bread and mustard, Grandma

2010-04-02T18:51:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I went down to Arizona to watch the Mariners in spring training. I went to the game with my dad, my uncle Kyle, and my cousins Kendall, Kraig, and Katie. Here's a little background to preface the story of this amazing game.

In the 1995 season, the Mariners had many amazing comeback victories. Almost all of these comebacks happened when my cousin Kendall had left the room for whatever reason. When the Mariners beat the Yankees in the 1995 ALDS, Kendall had been locked in the garage, and Edgar Martinez hit The Double that brought in two runs and sent them to the ALCS. In 2001, Kendall was on his mission in Bolivia, out of the country for the whole year, and the Mariners won 116 games, the most ever in the history of the franchise.

Back to this last weekend. It was the eighth inning, the Mariners were down 5 - 2 to the Reds. I jokingly said "Oh, that's why they're losing, Kendall's here." We decided to leave, thinking they were done. Kendall had parked closer than the rest of us. We (me, my dad, my uncle) headed around the stadium to the exits in the outfield, closer to where we parked. By the time we got to the outfield, the bases were loaded, it was the bottom of the ninth, and Ken Griffey, Jr., my idol, was up to bat. He battled his way to a full count against a rookie pitcher whose name I don't know. Then the wind started to blow towards us in right field. (Keep in mind that Kendall has left the stadium and is probably driving off now.) Griffey destroys this ball over the right field fence, Mariners win. A walk - off grand slam when we had given up all hope. I was almost in tears. Almost.

The moral of the story is: Kendall should be a Yankees fan. More specifically an Alex Rodriguez fan.

A Few More Items...

2010-03-17T19:42:00.001-07:00

A couple of things I've noticed lately:

1. People making Facebook profiles for their pets. Need I say more on how ridiculous this is?

2. My dog is getting harder to wake up lately. I now have to grab him and slide him sideways on our carpet to get him to go out.

3. I had In - N - Out Burger for the first time ever today. Pretty solid food, but the people who acted like it was the second coming when it opened made me wait this long to eat it.

4. I've had these reggae podcasts on my iPod for a while, and just now I've started listening to them. They're from Portugal or Brazil, but all the music in English, and it makes me feel more and more attached to my pot - smoking friends in the Caribbean. Oh, those guys...

5. Customers at Dimple Dell try to tell me new things about the place all the time. Some lady and her kids came to swim the other night at seven o'clock. The pool closes at seven thirty on Fridays, and I told her this.
"No, you close at eight thirty." She responds confidently.
"Nope, seven thirty." This had been a long week and I wasn't taking crap from anyone that day.
"NO, eight thirty."
At this point, I grabbed the sheet with our hours on it. I said we close at eight on Fridays.
"Look. We close at eight o'clock. The pool closes a half hour earlier than the facility. It closes at seven thirty." I put the paper back and sat on my stool, like a parrot. She said nothing and walked away.
"You got served, sucka!!!" I wish I said that.
That's all.

Tiptoe through the tulips

2010-03-08T20:47:00.000-08:00

This will creep you out for the rest of your life. Buckle up.

Free Fallin'

2010-03-04T21:22:00.000-08:00

So, this one time, I was skiing. I was at Snowbird with my friend Cameron, and we were having fun and what not, and decided to catch one more run before we headed home so I could go work at my amazingly fun job. We chose Peruvian, and headed down the run. Cameron thought he knew a shortcut, so I followed him. We ended up in an area that said Danger: Cliffs. We clipped out of our skis and started hiking out.
We ended up in a place where to my left was a massive tree I was hanging onto, and on my right was a good twenty foot drop with about thirty feet of a slope after that. I had my skis in my right hand, and slipped in some loose snow, and dropped the skis. The skis were fine, you can breath now, but I was in a sticky situation. I slipped again, and tried putting my pole up for Cameron to pull me up, but it was too late. I planted my foot on the rock right by me and jumped. I fell about twenty feet, landed on my side and rolled another thirty. And lived. I fell off a cliff. Here is a dramatic picture I drew on Paint:
Yeah. It wasn't nearly as dramatic as I hopefully make it sound; Cameron was laughing for a good twenty minutes afterwards, but still one of the coolest stories so far in my life.

Bam!

Blah Blah

2010-02-28T12:13:00.000-08:00

If you guys see any Chinese characters in the comments on my blog, don't open the link on them. Also:

Hey, Asians, stop commenting on my blog.

嘿，亞洲人，停止在評論我的博客

嘿，亚洲人，停止在我的博客评论

ねえ、アジア人は、自分のブログにコメントを停止する

이봐, 아시아, 내 블로그에 코멘트를 그만

That is the same sentence in Chinese (Traditional), Chinese (Simplified), Japanese, and Korean, because I don't know where these stupid Asians who comment on my blog are from. Idiots.

Mom says it's too windy

2010-02-21T19:52:00.000-08:00

So, I'm at work, right? And the phone rings.
"Dimple Dell, this is Connor."
(tons of people talking in the background, definitely a Polynesian household) "Yeah when does Big Buddha play tomorrow?"
"What sport?"
"Big Buddha!"
"No, WHAT SPORT?"
"BIG. BUDDHA."
(I'm now yelling into the phone, people are staring.) "WHAT SPORT DOES BIG BUDDHA COACH?"
"Basketball."
"Boys or girls?"
"Basketball."
About a half hour later, I learn that I'm talking to an eleven year old girl, not a twenty year old man like I suspected, and that she plays on a nine year olds' basketball team that doesn't seem to exist in our computer. I just tell her that she doesn't have a game tomorrow and stop yelling into the phone.

Also, I love it when people at work start asking me who won gold in very specific Olympic events, like the womens' 1500 meter speed skating. I'm not an Olympic expert, I just watch curling on the TV's in the weight room through the window.

Welp. See ya.

Who am I?

2010-02-11T19:26:00.000-08:00

It's time we threw it out in the open: who is my real celebrity look - alike? When I was seven or eight, my sisters' friends thought I looked like George Bush. During Facebook's blah blah blah put up your celebrity look - like blah blah blah I put up George Bush. Apparently, I look more like John Legend. My good friend Emily made this for easy comparison, but I can't load it on here. Here I am being gansta:
And here is John Legend:
Who I think I look like is Bret Boone. He played second base for the Mariners in the early 2000's, and then pretty much got caught for steroids later. Here he is:Also a lot of people think I look like Dewey on Malcolm in the Middle. Vote for who I look the most like on my comment thingy. Except for the Chinese people who keep commenting on here, you stay out of this.

My venture into the unknown

2010-02-07T19:15:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, Saturday, was the Sweethearts dance. I didn't get asked (which I'm totally fine with) so I worked in the morning, and went skiing in the afternoon. I got some new skis, which I wanted to try out. Here they are:To get up the canyon, there is no way the Hyundai I drive could make it. This forced me to use THE BUS. If you've heard anything about Abby's experiences with public transportation, you know how excited I was to go. So I pull up to the park n' ride on 9400th and pull on my ski boots, pick up my skis, and wait. here is a short timeline that I only kept for a little bit on my phone. I get on the bus around 1:00 pm. The driver looks like Santa Clause, except he's wearing a dark beanie and smells like smoke. Also, his arm patch says Adrian. He says it'll be fifteen minutes before we leave, and walks outside.

1:07 - Considering moonwalk practice
Somewhere between this point and the next note, another man boards the bus. He has a big nose and looks Italian.
1:09 - Want to speak fake Italian to my Mediterranean looking copassenger.
1:12 - Smoky Santa comes back with chocolate milk, diet mountain dew, ruffles, and two cans of peanuts. Copassenger asks him what he got him, jokingly. Very seriously, Smoky Santa says he saw nothing fitting for him at Walgreens.
1:15 - I think I'm getting emphysema.
At around 1:17 we leave. This is where my timeline stops and we get into a real story. We get to Snowbird, I clip into my skis, and head for the lift. I think I'll be alone on a chair, and at the last second before the chair comes up and picks me up, a man in about his late 40s and a girl in her 20s or so get on each side of me. I think we are complete strangers until about halfway up, when the girl leans forward and says:
"Dad, does this place have a terrain park?"
Why am I in the middle? It's their fault for splitting themselves up, but they don't suspect that I feel awkward between them and continue their conversation.
I take a run down, the skis are way nice, and get in the lift line again. It's pretty crowded, so they're grouping together complete strangers. I get put on a lift with three New Yorkers. They've got the legit Brooklyn accents and everything. They talk about the amazing snow and soft 'bumps' and find out I'm a 'local'. They ask for directions to Regulator Johnson, which I give them, and then keep talking. As we get closer to the end of the lift, they see people coming down from a lift called Little Cloud. The lift is hard to see off in the distance, but they can see the people skiing down.
"Now where are those people coming from?" One man asks.
"They're coming from space." Answers his friends, very matter - of - factly.
I laugh, no one else does.
The rest of the day skiing is pretty uneventful, until I get on the bus home. Our driver belongs on one of those half - ton dad shows and is wearing a cowboy hat. I'm sitting next to some other teenage boys, who are pretty quiet. On my left is some pear - shaped kid wearing a UTA jacket, who keeps falling asleep against the window. Gross. He says to his dad they should go to the Chinese Buffet. Further up the bus, and on the opposite row, is a guy who looks like the blonde - long haired guy on Hocus Pocus. He is teaching his little brother how to rap by pounding his ski pole on the ground and saying:
"This is the way I live, little boys still pushin' big wheels, I stack my money, lay low and chill, it's not hard it's the way we feel we fell like this is the way I live."
If that isn't enough, he looks at the foggy window on his left, and writes: give love a chance. He looks up again, and changes it to: give hate a chance. Finally, he changes it to: give hats a dance, and signs the window. I'm speechless. Lucky enough, he is parked next to me in the park n' ride parking lot. He has no less than eight SLCC student stickers on his car. Classy.
Then I get back to my car, put my slippers on, drive home, watch Ghost Hunters, and sleep. A day well spent.
Welp, see ya.

Don't be scared, we're just from al - Qaeda

2010-02-05T17:41:00.001-08:00

We all know how much of a crime against humanity Seminary videos are, but this isn't a Seminary video. Even though we watched it in Seminary, it's pretty funny.

Oh, Canada...

2010-01-28T19:45:00.000-08:00

It's time I've shared my views on Canada. North Montana. Super North Dakota. America's attic. America's hat. It is my belief that any given day, I could walk up into a park in Vancouver, plant an American flag in the soft ground and yell: "Alright, this is aaaalllllll ours now." And they would have to agree with me, because I'm American, and they are my inferior.
I am not a fan of Canada. They seem to be American wannabes, but their differences seem to be on purpose. There is no way a human being can say about like 'aboot' and house like 'hoose' naturally. They have to be forcing that. They have a Prime Minister, which is a fancy term for President. They call their states provinces. Why waste all of that ink with a long word like provinces and and just call it a state?
Only one good thing has come out of Canada, Martin Short. Specifically the movie Clifford, which stars him as a 10 - year old hellbent on going to Dinosaurworld
Clifford

Dustin shares these same views, as does my dad. Dustin nearly put on his mission papers: "I'll give you three years in Idaho before I give you two in Canada."
I do side with Quebec's want to be their own country. Then we could take them over. French punks...
You all may be thinking: "Man, Connor is really prejudiced against Canadians." And you're right.
A week or three ago I had a Canadian hygienist at the dentist. The pain of me holding in all of my anti - Canadian sayings made my tooth pain worse. Which didn't make sense because it was just a 6 - month cleaning. She told me how much her family loves hockey (the most ridiculous sport ever) and how she is turning in her kids' papers to make them Canadian citizens. I nearly exploded out of the chair to say: "What child in their right mind would want that? And what good parent would want Canadian children?!"
I know I'm probably jinxing myself and I will now get a mission call to Canada, but I'm fine with that, because I probably have a lesson to learn or something.

GOTTA GO!!!!

Snowbird is fun

2010-01-19T19:13:00.000-08:00

In case you don't remember the horrible picture that was my ski pass that I posted up a while ago, I have a pass to Snowbird. It's way fun. Since our family isn't from Utah, we were never big skiers, and still aren't really. My friends tried and tried to get me to go over the years, but I used my hatred of snow as an excuse. I finally went, loved it, and here we are.
Snowbird, the area, is fun. The people are insane. I'm remembering the song or list or whatever that Mallory and Amy made about people in San Francisco, about them being either gay, lesbian, Asian, etc.
Everyone at Snowbird is either: hippie, gay, lesbian, old/stubborn/wearing jeans, young and rude, drinks coffee, Canadian, or European. I also saw some Australians up there today. That accent is boss.
We were up there today, and we went swimming at one of the lodges. In the hot tubs, we found each of these groups (except hippies, who probably don't believe in liquid). There were a bunch of young and rudes in one, and they were getting wasted. In our hot tub, there were three Canadians talking about their tattoos, two old guys, who were also gay (two for one), and one lesbian. The other hot tub was full of Scandinavians. Keep in mind that we were the only ones not drinking in the whole area, so everyone was very talkative, which is how I found out what group they belong in.
Speaking of beer, I plan on seeing how close I can get to having a glass or bottle of beer in my hand at one of the restaurants at Snowbird. Not drinking it, just getting it in my hand. Whether it be them just ringing it up and realizing that I look like I'm thirteen, or me having it in my hand and saying, never mind, I just want to see.

Welp. See ya.

I like TV and football.

2010-01-14T20:45:00.000-08:00

I'm noticing a growing trend in commercials nowadays. Wives who seem like their live is a living hell because of housework, kids, pets, and husbands.
Not even kidding, one commercial for I think Stanley Steemer said: "In a world full of kids (shows kids tracking mud in the house), pets (shows some nasty dog) and husbands (shows a grown man turning on a blender without the top on, sending the mess everywhere), it's a miracle if you can keep your house clean. I'm not offended, I actually think it's pretty funny. Abby and I talk about it often. Here is one such commercial.

There are a ton more that we've all seen on TV, but they aren't on Youtube. In essence, they all say: "You know my husband, the incapable moron..." With a guy in the background setting the curtains on fire and not wearing pants.

Part II of this post:
Over the last month or so, I have been writing down all of the word verifications I have used. I will now use them in separate sentences.

1. Eww, who frbartid?
2. Go and refacken these numbers for me, Beavis.
3. That is the sinnest thing I've ever seen!!!
4. Let's go get some yogies.
5. I am so psessed right now.
6. Don't get that nourop on you.
7. He had this ousair about him.
8. He callest the air while he sang.

That's not all of them, but that's all my brain can handle.

Welp. See ya.

Okay. Okay.

2010-01-06T21:47:00.000-08:00

Let me just start off by saying that I am the whitest thing ever.
With that, let me tell you a tale that happened yesterday.
So, I'm sitting in class, and my teacher is handing out some scholarship thing for the smart kids who have way high GPA's. I'm just minding my business, not really doing much. The kid next to me suddenly turns and says: "Are you Hispanic?"

Now. I have been mistaken for many things. A girl. Abby. Dustin. A few people think I have an accent; but never, never, never have I ever been mistaken for a Latino. I thought the kid was joking for a second, so I kind of laughed to myself. Then I noticed he was still staring at me, waiting for a response. I just gave a big 'NOPE' and texted Mallory immediately. I still haven't recovered fully from this.

Not that there's anything wrong with Hispanic people, it's just insane that ME, of all people, would be mistaken for one. I think you all get the point.

Hasta luego con amor

The dollar figure may be in the trillions...

2010-01-03T15:15:00.000-08:00

I don't know anything about Twilight, but this is hilarious.

Looky here

2009-12-31T14:25:00.001-08:00

I found some pictures of our St. Louis/Nauvoo/Chicago trip two Summers ago. These are both from the White Sox game we went to. They're pretty classy, let me tell ya...Tailgating is a pretty fun activity for the kiddies. Death is not. These people, however, managed to combine the two into a rompin' party. Yes, that is a hearse, and yes, the lady knew we were taking the picture.This lady is quite possibly the greatest White Sox fan that I've ever sat in front of. Look at her gaze up to the sky as her Sox destroy the lowly Royals. (Just for the record, the Royals are terrible.) Also, the headphones.

A very Mariner Christmas

2009-12-25T08:59:00.000-08:00

My mom got me this, except it's a lot bigger (I forgot the dimensions), and in a classy frame. I love my mom.
There is a story behind this picture, however. This was taken at the end of game 5 of the 1995 American League Division Series against the Yankees. The Mariners tied the series at 2 - 2 and forced game 5, the winner would go on to play in the American League Championship. It was kind of a big deal. They were down by one, in the bottom of the ninth. Ken Griffey Jr., who is on the bottom of the pile smiling like a young child, was at first, Joey Cora was on third. Edgar Martinez was up to bat. Here is the call from Dave Niehaus. (Be impressed that I'm typing this by memory.) Also, when it is italicized, that is when Dave starts yelling out of excitement.

"And the 0 -1 pitch on the way to Edgar Martinez swung on and lined down the left field line for a base hit! Here comes Joey! Junior to third base and their gonna wave him in! The throw to the plate will be late and the Mariners are going to play for the American League Championship! I don't believe it! It just continues, My oh my!"
I would post a video if anyone on youtube actually cared about the awesomeness of the Mariners, but just take my word that it is amazing.

Merry Christmas

Thoughts

2009-12-13T19:56:00.000-08:00

Some of my latest thoughts/actions:

- I got my art teacher to say to me: "I don't feel comfortable having that on my camera."

- I may or may not begin my quest to get to 1,000 friends on Facebook as fast as possible. Just to prove how ridiculous it is.

- I've been copying this kid's status on Facebook as my own to make him mad, because I know how seriously people take Facebook.

- I've recently decided to become a Knicks fan and more of a Seahawks fan. Just to get involved.

- I saw a couple making out in the dollar store a month or two ago, and somehow it makes sense.

- I put the following things into Dimple Hell's comment box:
1. What are we going to do to prepare for Y2K?
2. Ping Pong Tournament. (Written left handed to make it look like an Asian's handwriting.)
3. Give the surly janitor with the mustache and glasses a talking to. (We had a janitor who was rude, then he got transferred to another rec center.)

- Taking naps. It wasn't on purpose at first, but then I realized that it was a very valuable use of my countless hours of free time.

- Attempting to drink about ten gallons of Quizno's raspberry lemonade with some friends. We probably got about three down.

- Scored 11 points in a church ball game. Ahhhhhhhhh Yeeeeah...

- Taking pictures of midgets at the conference center.

- Wearing sweats. (No, Mallory, not to school.)

- Not caring about the Jazz. Go Knicks...

- Thinking the mountains (moun uhns) look fake, like a painting or something. They're pretty awesome looking.

- Wishing everyone wore rollerblades at all times. Think of the possibilities. Impulsive hockey games, living the 'Brink' lifestyle (soul skating), spins, and just a faster - moving world.

- Smelling the awful smell of the cafeteria at Alta and being happy I haven't had school food in about three years. It smells like newspapers, potatoes, and water boiling in a dirty pot.

- Continually forgetting I did my Eagle project in June and then realizing the BS of America hasn't approved my paperwork and sent it back to me.

- Singing Michael Jackson songs to my deaf dog as loud and off key as possible in hopes that he will hear me.

-Making regular Pirate O trips for gnocchi and Quadratini. I love that place.

In the Marmalade Forest....

2009-12-10T21:18:00.000-08:00

I got bored in math the other day and drew this:
Click on the picture to get the full, amazing effect. I give full credit to Amy Campbell's blog post on September 22nd, and since I don't know how to put a link to it on here, here's a link to the video, if you haven't seen it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9Qu3iP3RYA

Confessions pt. 2 (Not by Usher)

2009-11-30T18:31:00.001-08:00

I have more confessions.

-I forgot Salt Lake had a soccer team until people started texting me saying: "Real won, Real won!!!"

-I don't care about the Jazz, or the NBA in general, but especially not the Jazz.

-I'm not playing lacrosse for Alta this year. That's not really a confession, but just throwing it out there.

-I have a framed picture of Ken Griffey Jr. within arms reach right now. He's the bomb diggity.

-I still want to work at Pirate O's. Really bad.

-Abby loves to hear my Susan Boyle impression. It's really creepy.

-The best way for me to express my feelings is to moonwalk. I actually just do it to make Abby yell at me to stop.

-I plan on write - in voting for Bigfoot when I can vote, but only if I don't agree with who ever's running.

-I listened to Owl City before they were cool, and I like them less and less every time I hear them on the radio.

-I cheer for BYU, but plan on going to the U of U.

-I will cry if the Mariners go to the World Series, I will sob like a big woman if they win it. Not exaggerating.

-My chemistry teacher wears a wig and thinks I'm mentally challenged.

-I delete about a friend a day on Facebook.

-There is glitter all over one side of the back seat of the car I drive from my friends date's homecoming dress.

-I watch Glee every week. (Oh, gosh...)

-I almost cried laughing today when I received this text from Abby, who was at work, today: shanna (girl at work) is doing a membership right now for an asian named bingbing xu.

-I have way more pictures of my dog on my phone than I should.

-Sometimes I forget the following states exist: North and South Dakota, Arkansas, Delaware, Vermont, West Virginia, Indiana, Nebraska.

It's time for a story

2009-11-25T19:01:00.000-08:00

Today, while contemplating why I am so terrible at math, I thought of some 'excuses.' One reason could be either a Wilson or Spendlove gene I got that is completely missing the math thingy. However, one of my uncles is an electrical engineer, so it isn't that. After a few other thoughts, my mind flashed back to two occurrences.
In sixth grade, I was somewhat popular amongst the kiddies in my grade. Me and my other cool friends decided that it would be very cool and popular to do a dance for a talent show. Me, being the smallest, had to be a prop of some kind, of course. During our dance, I jumped into the three others' arms, and they threw me back. I was supposed to land on my feet, or land on one of those pathetic elementary school gym mats that are about a quarter inch thick. They threw me about four feet in the air, and I came down on the metal stage, flat on my back, no where near the pad. Everyone watching thought it was planned, and therefore hilarious. It hurt really bad, and I hit my head.
In ninth grade, I had gym class. On 'Free Fitness Friday'/ we don't want to watch you guys play flag football day, me and my friends found ourselves playing around on a balance board, which was basically a skateboard with no wheels on a wooden cylinder turned on its side. I got on the death roller, and the thing ended up shooting out from under me, sending me flying in the air, and coming down on my back. I thought I just landed on my back, but apparently I hit my head. I got a little concussion/ everything was blurry and double and everyone's voices were muffled and echoing, and I looked stoned, apparently.
Despite those two head trauma experiences, I've taken more than a few hits to the helmet in lacrosse, grew up with an older brother, and managed to throw a basketball into my own face. (That one was a winner.)
Is this why I fall behind in math? Maybe. I'll just say yes for now.

Just for you, Mallory

2009-11-22T21:44:00.000-08:00

That's right. Nine minutes and 56 seconds of Buckeye - Wolverine football. Bask in the awesomeness.

Never thought it would happen to me

2009-11-13T19:14:00.001-08:00

For some reason, I have been mistaken for a girl more than once at my job in the three months I've worked there. What the crap? It's not common enough for me to wear a sign that says: 'I'm a guy', but come on!
The first time, some old guy was walking out of the building. I was working with two older women. I know he knew I was there because he said hi to me on the way in. He walks out, and says: "See ya, ladies!" I just put my hands in the air. He saw me and said nothing.
The second time, same man. same story, different day.
The last time happened not that long ago. I answered the phone. "Dimple Dell, this is Connor." the lady says: "Hi, hon, can you tell me if in the girls' locker room if they have hair dryers?" "Well, I'm not a girl, so let me get one for you." I replied. "Oh... really?" She answers. I just gave the phone away, I was in shock. I don't have a girly voice, I'm not gay, the only thing that's femme about me is the fact that I have a blog and I am little. Why am I analyzing this?
People are ridiculous.

Whoa

2009-11-10T17:32:00.000-08:00

I was watching ESPN today, and there was a little blurb about Sammy Sosa. If you don't remember Sammy Sosa, yes you do.
Here is normal Sammy:
Here is Sammy now:
Apparently he is having some skin treatment thing, but all I could think is he looks like the spirit of Michael Jackson has entered poor Samuel and turned him weird.

New Title

2009-11-07T19:57:00.000-08:00

Also, I changed my blog title. It was about time I did, too, eh?

Oh, You guys

2009-11-07T19:51:00.000-08:00

So, I'm at work, right? And this guy walks up (this sounds like a stupid joke right about now) to where people usually swipe their membership cards. He pulls out his Smiths card, like the ones you would use to save money on Fruit Loops and Top Ramen and what not, and swipes it. After a few more tries, He yells "It just doesn't work!" and storms out. I love my job. Sometimes.

Is this better?

2009-11-05T17:49:00.000-08:00

So, apparently that last video wasn't original. Here is a video that Mallory thinks is hilarious. It's horribly creepy but funny.

My soul hurts

2009-11-04T21:42:00.000-08:00

I'm in a serious depression/outrageous fury after seeing the Yankees win the World Series and seeing Alex Rodriguez and his greasy, ugly, smug face next to that trophy. This commercial cheered me up. It is hilarious.

More than Life Itself

2009-10-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

I just saw a certain video about a man named Lars on Emily's blog. It got me thinking about how much I love that movie, and a lot of other things I love. Here is a list of things I love, except for family, church, and America, which we all love.

1. Movies. Stand By Me. I know it's rated R, but it shouldn't be. Rudy. It's about a little guy who plays football for Notre Dame. Heavyweights. Watch the Lars video and don't question it. Disney Channel Original movies up until about 2000/ 2001. Nicktoons up until about the same time.

2. Food. Specifically the Costa Vida pork salad or burrito. You can't go wrong.

3. The SEATTLE MARINERS. I am not exaggerating when I say I would give up everything on this list, except for family and church, to see the Mariners play in 1995. Mallory can attest to me loving the Mariners since about age 3 or 4, when I could comprehend what baseball was. If I don't meet Ken Griffey Jr. and Edgar Martinez before I die, I will not feel complete. If I don't get the chance to say something horrendous to Alex Rodriguez, I will not feel complete. Just because he started with the Mariners, he doesn't deserve the honor of associating his name with Mariner. I HATE Alex Rodriguez more than any person on the planet. That is also NOT an exaggeration. Go M's.

4. Bulldogs. Oh, man. I'm not a freaky dog lover who treats dogs like children, but bulldogs hold a special place in my heart. I plan on owning one in my lifetime. Named Edgar. See above for the namesake.

5. The Puyallup Fair. There are few places on earth (one of them being Safeco Field, where the Mariners play) where you can have more fun than at the Puyallup Fair. St. George and 'Cali' are not any of them. There is crazy good food and a buttload of rides. Google it.

6. Pepe the King Prawn. Need I say more? It could be full of chocolate, ok!

7. Ghost Hunters. One of my new favorite things. Amy, your one blog post with the thermal imaging camera sparked my love for the show. It will make you believe.

8. There was this one Youtube montage video of Ichiro Suzuki, the Mariners current right fielder and a definite future Hall of Famer, throwing people out at third base or home plate. A long throw, but he throws about five feet off the ground over ninety miles an hour. I know nobody except Jimmy cares about the Mariners, but here is the video. The first one when he is on the Mariners brings tears to my eyes.

So yeah. I love things.

Because dogs don't have fur...

2009-10-26T16:19:00.000-07:00

Some kids in my marketing class did a presentation on Snuggies today. For those of you who don't know what a Snuggie is, you don't have a TV or computer and therefore you aren't reading this blog. Here is one of the videos they showed us. Incredible.

Well, obviously this blue part is the land...

2009-10-21T19:44:00.000-07:00

So, Utah traffic. Not just the terrible drivers, but their choice of vehicle or vehicle accessories. Or repairs. My personal favorite is the Saran wrap/ cardboard/ duct tape window. The brand new white or black Suburbans or Escalades headed north up 13th to South Towne are the most common. Some of my recent experiences left me speechless.

About a month ago, I was coming home on 123rd. In front of me pulled this old white pickup. It was missing a real tailgate. In its place was something that looked not unlike this:

Yes. That is a piece of plywood. For a tailgate. I would rather have no tailgate.

Just tonight I saw a license plate frame that said: Trogdor the Burninator. If you don't know what that is, Youtube Trogdor and be shocked. I am not a fan of the plate frames that elderly women have that say things like My Grandkids are angels, or my least favorite is: Grandma's the name, spoilin's the game. Boo. Horrible.

One day this Summer, I was left speechless out of shock/ envy. I was coming up 13th to my house when I hear the roar of an engine next to me. I look over and there is a brand new Maserati flies past me, doing about 70. I pull up next to him at the light and it's some gangsta rockin out to fiddy. I was almost in tears.

This last Tuesday, I was coming home from Alta. I was behind a Lincoln packed with old people. They went all the way onto my street and pulled into a driveway. They were going about ten below the whole time. I went home, went inside for a second, then went back out to meet some friends at McDonalds. As I'm coming down the street, the same car backs out and ends up in front of me. Again. Guess where they were headed? McDonalds. I was furious. What are the chances? I think they did it on purpose. Probably not.

The end.

Afraid of...

2009-10-17T19:02:00.000-07:00

It's Halloween time. Scary stuff. Here's a tribute to things I am scared of, or was scared of as a little kid.

1. Snakes. More specifically rattlesnakes. I'm not putting a picture up because even seeing a picture of one scares the crap out of me. This fear can be traced back to scout camp one year. The idiot counselors caught a rattlesnake, put it in some weird clear container, and kept showing it to us. Those things don't mess around.

2. Whales. Mallory and I share this fear, but didn't know it until a few years ago. This can also be traced back to my childhood. In about 1st grade, my class went on a field trip to the Point Defiance zoo and aquarium in Puyallup, Washington. We went into the aquarium, where some small whale was swimming around. I went right up to the glass, and it kept rubbing its fat body against the glass. I thought it was going to break, so I backed up. Boo whales!
Pictures like this make me want to throw up.

3. Falling down in public. Just the fear of embarrassment all together, but falling down is usually painful and more common.4. Bigfoot. This was one of my childhood fears. When we were on vacation here in Utah, I saw some show about Bigfoot. They showed some map of the U.S. and Canada and had a red dot for each Bigfoot sighting in the last ten years or something. all of Washington, and most of the Northwest was red. Then they showed all these freaky stories about how Bigfoot smells bad and throws rocks and yells. At the same time, Harry and the Hendersons, and those Messin' with Sasquatch commercials are hilarious.
5. My bus driver Arlene. Mallory, you are probably dying laughing right now. She drove all four of us Wilsons to Brouilett Elementary in Puyallup, so we share many of the same experiences. She was this enormous, hideous, mean bus driver who could sniff out your 8 oz. bag of Cool Ranch Doritos down to the seat number and whether or not you were next to the window. She was allergic to lotion and perfume, so my sister Abby and her friend once smeared Bath and Body Works stuff all over the back of one of the seats one time. She made me cry at least three times. Horrible woman.

The end.

Caught This on Itunes...

2009-10-15T19:33:00.000-07:00

And laughed. He looks like an orangutan doing Dustin/ Kasey Curtis' pedosmile (pedophile smile). I remember him in elementary school when he was fat and wore blue button up shirts everyday. Classic. No, I didn't buy this. That's not how I roll.

PS I just discovered original Nickelodeon cartoons on Itunes. I just bought an episode of Hey Arnold! It's basically my favorite Nicktune of all time.

Dear Mallory,

2009-10-10T14:36:00.000-07:00

Do you realize that less than 24 hours from this very minute, you were within ten minutes of one of the greatest college lacrosse teams to ever graze the planet? The Johns Hopkins Blue Jays played the Ohio State Buckeyes in lacrosse on October 9th at Upper Arlington High School in Columbus. All of the proceeds went to a scholarship fund in the name of former Ohio State head coach's son, who died. I don't blame you for not going, it was probably crazy cold and you don't care about lacrosse, but just thought I'd let you know.The guy in the purple played for them. He is basically amazing. Youtube his name: Jake Byrne.

Love, Connor J Wilson.

I apologize to anyone who doesn't care about lacrosse and just read that whole post.

A Few Concerns

2009-10-05T18:46:00.000-07:00

- I hate Itunes. Right now they are making me download a whole new edition of their software or whatever so I can buy an Arrested Development episode. Be proud, Mowry. I have to download it from the website, and then wait for Windows to install it. They should give me $1 million for my troubles. As I was typing that it said something about an error, and now I can't buy anything.

- My middle name. It is just the letter J, for those of you who don't know. It doesn't stand for anything as far as I know. I tell people my full name, Connor J Wilson, and they think it's Jay or Jai or some other Draperish spelling. ( Jai ho, Mallory.) It doesn't stand for James or Jake or Joshua or Jonathon or Job. It's just a letter. I feel like the kid at school who doesn't have any shoes, and gets made fun of for his shoelessness. Hey, look at the kid without a real middle name! Lets throw rocks at him!

- On another note, it has started snowing in the mountains. That means I can use this puppy soon.

- While fishing out that horrific picture of me on the season pass, I found this:

If you have never seen the movie Heavyweights, you wouldn't understand why I am crying with laughter right now. Go rent it, or borrow it from me. This is so... goodness. It's actually on the computer from when Mallory and many of her friends had fake Facebook accounts, and I had one too. My name was Cornelius Wangsdoodle. This was one of my profile pictures, along with a picture of Slater from Saved by the Bell, and the Bird Judge from the Muppets.

That's all.

I'm Changing My Name. NOW.

2009-10-03T12:34:00.000-07:00

So, I was bored today, and Googled my name. When I went to Google video, this is what came up. I have several questions for my nerdy counterpart.

- Why the #$%@ is this video online?

- Why are you playing Journey in the background for your freaking science project?!

- Why did I receive the same name as you?

- Please tell me you are at least Canadian, so we have more than a few major differences between us.

-Who chose to film you doing your nerdy recreational activity?

-Who are all the weirdos at the end? Why did you put pictures of them there?

-Why do you thank the lego company? That guy?

- What is your friend's address so I can go grab his camera and break it over my knee?

That's all.

Lately...

2009-09-27T20:23:00.000-07:00

So what have I been up to the last few months? Let me tell you:

- Wishing I was in college or at least graduated from high school.

- Doing twisty backflips on trampolines and landing on the bar around the outside on my lower back. Also making a weird noise when I landed like BAAAGHMPH!!!! More fun than it sounds.

- Doing twisty frontflips into foam pits and not making much noise at all.

- Having more control over my seminary teacher than he has over me. Let me explain: One day, he was gathering disclosures, and making a cha -ching, cha - ching! noise when he would grab one. I made eye contact with him, gave him 'the look' a parent would give a young child that says: 'stop now or I will punish you' or something of that sort, and shaking my head. He stopped immediately. Another day, we were playing 'scripture mastery pictionary.' Kill me now. He said that everyone had to participate. When he got to me he said: "Alright, Connor, your turn to draw!" With a very stern look on my face, I said "Pass." "Alright, next person!" was his response.

- Getting sick. Once.

- Making a slideshow for Marriage and Family about me and my partners' career choice: Nurse. We included as many pictures of male nurses, not female, but male nurses as possible.

- Deleting friends on facebook. If you can still see mine, you passed.

- Wishing I had a bulldog instead of Bob. Mal, we can ship him overnight if you want him.

That's all.

The Dutch Shouldn't Sing in Public.

2009-09-19T15:06:00.000-07:00

This is what happens.

A Little Confused and Kind of Angry

2009-09-16T21:35:00.000-07:00

One of my classes this year is a concurrent Marriage and Family life class. My teacher always sounds drunk, slurring her words and what not. The other day her projector was all jacked up at the beginning of class. She was talking to the janitor guy, and then he walked out. It was all quiet and suddenly, she points to me and just says "You!" with a weird look on her face. And nothing else. Just goes back to her desk. Whether or not she was blaming me for the broken projector I don't know, but I have no more words.

My Dying Photogenicity (nope that's not a word)

2009-09-04T20:54:00.000-07:00

School started. Yup. There is nothing worth telling, except that I have the same seminary teacher that Dustin had his senior year. While in this class, Dustin wrote 'seven' on a piece of paper and put it in the question box, because he had to put something. When the teacher read it Dustin just shook with laughter. For anyone who has been to Alta recently, it's Greenwood.

That's not what this post is about. Lately I have been taking horrible pictures on kind of important things, such as my ski pass and my student ID.

The ski pass I'm not really sure what happened, it's just an all around bad picture.It looks like the guy flashed me right when he took it or something.

My ID I can explain. The guy taking my picture (huge flamer) told me to say 'ladies love me', so that is the first ever candid picture of me reacting to a gay man.

Oh, Mowry

2009-08-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

So, I am missing Mallory this week. Ok, so Mal is probably the only one reading this, but anyone else who is probably knows where they are. The main thing I am missing is watching childrens' animated movies with her. That always makes it ten times funnier. Watching them at midnight/ one in the morning makes it funnier than midgets playing basketball. The two movies that stand out are Over the Hedge and Ice Age. While we were watching Over the Hedge, there was a preview for one of those clay - looking animated movies with rats in it.
Mallory said (sounding quite angry): What is this? Goofy Movie 5?!
Keep in mind this was at about 11:30 at night. I laughed for about five minutes.

When I was about twelve, I was watching Ice Age late at night in my room on a portable dvd player. Mallory was visiting from college or something. She came in my room and watched a little with me. It was the scene where the sloth fights off the birds for a long time to get the melon, and in celebration, throws the melon on the ground, where it explodes into a million pieces. Hilarious.

Then, we watched Goofy Movie a lot. I won't talk about the movie, but if you haven't seen the vhs, prepare to be stunned. This was on before the movie, amongst the previews.

New Job

2009-08-22T19:48:00.000-07:00

I've noticed a growing trend in my blog posts. They are all about school and work. I have no life.
With that:

I had said in the past I would do anything to work anywhere but Dimple Dell. Then I got lazy so now I work at Dimple Dell. If for whatever reason you don't know what Dimple Dell is, it's a rec center. My oldest sister Abby got a job there in 2002, and now I have finished the dynasty of the Wilsons at Dimple Dell. ( Except for Mallory, she gets half credit because she only worked at Draper Pool.)
Anywho, I've only worked four shifts, but man, people are weird. Just last night, some lady comes hobble - sprinting in, holding her dog like a baby. This dog was a little smaller than a boxer or something, but still too big. She stops and says: "I have to go to the lifeguard room, I'll be right back! I won't let him touch the floor!"I was all alone and just made a noise. Then she turns the dog to face me, says: " Say , hi doggy!" Then she looks at me for a couple seconds. I had no choice but to say, with a grimace on my face, hi. To a dog. Then she runs down to the guard room. A couple minutes she comes running back, only this time, cradling the dog with her arms in a saddle type position, kind of how they carry cows in that sling thing under helicopters. She was too winded to speak, thank goodness, and she left, leaving me confused, a little angry, and in tears. Not really, but that's how I felt on the inside.
Besides that, there's the pure joy and laughter I get out of seeing people in the weight room. Just seeing their face get all shriveled up and red makes me die.
That's all.

I die every time

2009-08-18T17:39:00.001-07:00

I Hope I'm Covered...

2009-08-08T17:00:00.000-07:00

There He Is!

2009-08-05T17:35:00.000-07:00

So, I know I already did an entire post about Dustin, but here's a little more. He sent me, and only me, this picture this week. I didn't know whether to be offended or honored or what, but this epitomizes what we thought Dustin would be as a missionary.

Look at how proud he is that he found that. Simply stunning.

If you still can't figure out why this picture is hilarious, click on it to make it big and look at the gem behind him.

Wrongo Bongo

2009-07-28T16:11:00.000-07:00

This post is about Dustin. That's how much time I have on my hands. Everyone loves Dustin more than me. My coworkers, most of whom worked with Dustin last year, tell me often that they like him better than me. Even some of the people who didn't work with him like him more.
Dustin is probably in the top ten list of most ridiculous people on this planet, right behind Michael Flatley and David Hasselhoff. He can literally shake windows when he burps, which is disgusting, but my mom still laughs when we talk about it. For about three weeks or whatever before he went into the MTC, he would yell the word 'BRATISLAVA!!!' in my face as loud as he could. It's the capital of Slovakia, but that's no reason for it to be yelled. He started our family's 'line of the day' phase by uttering the words 'Where the heck would you buy a uterus?' and revived it by yelling 'AMNIOTIC SACK!!!' and high - fiving Jimmy, Mal's husband, across the table in a restaraunt. The title of this post is a quote from him. He texted me once and asked me where the tape measure was, I said maybe in the garage or something. He said: Wrongo bongo. Classic.
If you know Dustin, you know about how good he is at biking. I've only ever seen him ride three or so times, but I saw him when he got home. It was schocking at first to see him walk around in his mid - thigh length spandex bibs with the straps off his shoulders and nothing else. Somehow I got used to it.
If you know Dustin, you also know that he worked at Dimple Dell. I know how much he dislikes Asian people who don't speak English because of his job. They would try to sign their kids up for swim lessons, but didn't understand anything. He ended up calling Dimple Dell from Dimple Dell impersonating an Asian. He asked one girl in an Asian accent what she was 'weawing' and asked another boy if they have classes for boys and the 'gills', and when the boy didn't understand what he was asking, he said:'What if my gill has a pee - pee?'
On our trip to Chicago, he got sick of getting his picture taken. He would then flail around trying to make the picture blurry, leaving us with this:

And now he can speak a crazy Eastern European language.
I could go on for a very long time about Dustin and how he has impacted/scarred my life with his ways, but I'll stop. I'm proud to have a brother on a mission, and he's doing great. I'll just leave with this picture, it's a good one:

This Summer so Far

2009-07-17T20:01:00.000-07:00

I have been pretty busy in a boring way this Summer. I got a job, which you have already heard about. I finished my eagle project, and have broken two more boards in our fence.
First, the fence. We have several. One is more important than the rest, I won't get into the details. I have managed to break about seven boards on that fence with lacrosse balls over the last three years. I have missed the goal in my backyard,( shown here with a rubber ball being kicked into it by Abby ).

I will admit, I have a little giggle whenever this happens, and am pretty proud of myself for my shot power. However, I think that our neighbors are silently mad at me and punishing me by not throwing the balls back over when they go into their backyard. That has caused me to develop a skill I never learned as a little lad, climbing fences. I have never been able to do it, and now I can.
Then, the pool. Our hot items are laffy taffys and gummi pizzas. Disgusting. Some of my favorite quotes/ moments from the pool include:

-Do you have hot pockets? (Asked by a slutty pregnant teenager)
-Do you serve alcohol?
-How many laffy taffys can I get with this? (slides a $5 bill across the counter)
You can get 20.
Ok, I want 20 strawberry.
-Do you have jalapenos for your nachos?
No.
You should. You would make more money.
-Can I get 14 gummi pizzas?
-Watching big people go off the diving board.
Oh, Summer. These moments may not seem as funny in writing, but they were truly hilarious/shocking at the time.

Oh, Man

2009-07-15T16:41:00.000-07:00

Stumbled on this commercial the other day and can't stop laughing. The sentimental cowboy/lawyer in the city... Classic.

Competition? Nope.

2009-06-18T14:18:00.001-07:00

Have you seen that new waterpark over by the outlets in Draper? Of course you have. How can you miss a million miles of brightly - colored tubing within one acre? It is called Cowabunga Bay, but we like to refer to it as 'mousetrap'.

Can you tell the difference? Probably. However, they are very similar, no doubt.
So at Draper pool, My sister Gail (or Abby, whatever you wanna call her) takes a lot of questions like 'Are you guys losing business because of that water park I seen down in Draper?' No, we are not losing business. Even if we were, I don't really care. I still get paid the same and it's a couple less churros for me to make. The end.

Donate please

2009-06-15T15:46:00.000-07:00

For my eagle project, I am doing a blood drive. It is on Friday, June 26 from 3 - 8 pm at the Hidden Valley stake center on Raddon Drive or Road or whatever. I need about 70 donors so if you are 18 or older and weigh at least 110 pounds, please donate. Call me at 619 - 2085 to set up an appointment.
I feel like I just made a relief society flyer or something just by putting the vampire picture on here.

This just made my day for the next year or so.

2009-06-10T08:27:00.000-07:00

On tour, you say?

2009-06-06T20:39:00.000-07:00

So, I have a job at Draper Pool. Usually, when I tell people this, they say: ' oh, you're a lifeguard?' I say: ' (obscenity) no!' But then I remind myself how lame my job is. I work at the concessions stand. If smiley faces such as :) weren't gay, I would use a frowny one right there.
There was a swim meet this morning at seven. I had to be there at six. Normally I would say no to working such an early shift, but I'm not from Steeplechase or Pepperwood so I have to pay for my own mission and college, or at least most of it. Anywho, I get there at six, and there are four of us. We are all LDS. We have to make coffee. Who set that up? Probably Satan. After clogging a drink heater - upper machine with coffee grounds, we got it working. The rest of the shift until nine went pretty well.
Then, I went to my other half - job, which is coaching non - contact lacrosse at Dimple Hell/Dell. Pick your favorite. There was me, a girl who played in Virginia, a kid who played for Jordan, and some monstrosity of a person carrying a lacrosse stick. He was dressed like an emo/skater thing, wearing skinny black jeans and had red, long hair, and was shaped like a pear. Probably about seventeen. Not pretty. I asked him who he played for because I wasn't sure he had ever touched a stick before. He said he hadn't played for a while because HIS BAND HAS BEEN ON TOUR. I had no words. I asked again who he played for. 'Oh my band, or my team?' Team, you idiot, I don't care about your traveling sideshow. 'Oh, I go to Hillcrest but I play for Brighton.'
I was in such a daze from that conversation I don't even remember the rest of the clinic we were coaching, except that I am a terrible teacher. The end.

I Speak Utahn

2009-05-26T13:55:00.000-07:00

So lately it occured to me that I have lived in Utah for eight years, half of my life. I have decided to do a post to show what I have learned so far. Here goes:

-SLC will never live down the Olympics. Ever.

-"I seen" = I saw

- Italian is pronounced "eyetalian"

-Fry sauce is nasty

-A cul de sac is a 'circle'

-Non - Mormons and non - skiers are minorities here.

-Lagoon is the most awesome place ever. (false)

-Mountain is pronounced 'moun - un'. Brighton is 'Brigh - un', etc.

-I need to go to BYU if I want to get married.

-Apparently it is cool to call California 'Cali' and St. George is tied with Lagoon for most awesome place ever. (Also false)

-There are no true U of U fans. Only BYU haters and U alumni who feel obliged to cheer on their alma mater.

-Seminary testimony meetings are a way to tell everyone how hard your life is and make me angry.

-All Escalades and new Suburbans are from Draper and contain an A -line haircut, a twenty - nine year old woman with five kids, a brand new cell phone that is running out of minutes, and at least one child named Isaac or Jackson, which can also be spelled Jaxon or alkdjf. It's unique. Also, they have that dumb sticker with the stick figure family.

Another story. Yesterday, Memorial Day, Mal and James bought/ leased a new car. We went to Red Robin in Provo to celebrate and what not. On our way out, we saw a billion or so flies around their new car.

Mallory: Are those flies?

Abby: Yes

Mallory: Ugh! Get a life!

Get a life? They are flies. This reminded me of early teenage Mallory. She responded to everything with either the words 'Get a life!' or 'Is he gay?' Classic.

I heart Mallory.

Chalk one up for the skinny kid...

2009-05-21T20:28:00.001-07:00

As some of you may know, I am not a big fan of the SBO's. They are stupid. My world civ teacher is the SBO advisor, and they always come in there, and sit on this big, fluffy chair. Today, the teacher gave one of the AP classes french toast to congratulate them for finishing their AP test. The french toast and syrup happened to be all over my desk, so I had to sit in the big fluffy chair. Almost every single SBO came in during the period, and all of them gave me a weird/dirty look. I gave them a smile back that said:"Yeah, I"m in the chair. I hate you." I was so proud of myself for pissing off the big dum - dums. I will treat myself to a high five. Whoop whoop!

Picture

2009-05-19T20:23:00.000-07:00

The new picture behind the title is of the ferris wheel at the Puyallup fair where our family is from. Good times, Mowry, good times...

Awkward...

2009-05-13T20:13:00.000-07:00

So, in World Civ, we are learning about Nazis and Hitler and what not. Today we had a sub. I have no doubt in my mind that he was German, and in his 60s. His name was Mr. Schilder and he had that accent going on. He knew way too many details about Nazis, and laughed during the scenes in the movie we watched when Nazis were beating Jews and what not. It was really awkward and confusing. Also, this:

Amelia's was shutting down. Apparently there was a great sale going on there, so Mal and my madre went and bought a broomstick, a pirate hookhand, and a pimp cane. This is me flying with the hookhand. I am a magic pirate.

Untitled.

2009-05-10T20:32:00.001-07:00

This post has no real title because there is no one real subject.
This week was pretty action - packed. Things I did include watching a German boy at Alta run by yelling that he needs four boys, danced on the conference center stage on my own (kind of), scoring a very awesome lacrosse goal, and baking a cake. Wow. Now let me explain.
On Monday, I think, Me and some of my friends are just standing near the commons, talking about whatever. One of those split - second moments of silence was broken by a German boy running past us and jumping on his friends back yelling "I need four boys!!!" We laughed for about two and a half minutes after that. Pretty funny. Then we played soccer with a water bottle because we're cool like that.
Next, on Tuesday, we went to the conference center to practice our lame dance to celebrate the temple. I love the temple, but I hate square dancing. My partner and Anna weren't there. My friends were on the other side of the stage. I felt so alone and awkward. There would be random times when we were told to run off the stage and I thought Godzilla was chasing us with the way some people moved. It was just awful. And Ken, as in Barbie's boyfriend, disguised as a man named Brother Affleck was our director guy. He was a jerk. He said that if we listened closely to his directions, our spirit would hear them and direct us where to go or something like that. My spirit will not hear that crap.
On Wednesday, I scored a goal in our Sophomore - Freshman lacrosse game. I felt like the bee's knees. Enough said.
On Saturday, I made my mom a chocolate pudding cake for Mother's day, and ate gnocchi, which Mallory made, and I thought i was going to melt and explode at the same time from eating so much goodness. It was the ish. That's my new word.
Also, I'm putting out a want ad for someone who wants to do my eagle project for me, because it sounds like a big nightmare right now. Kill me. Or just let me get my license without it.
That will be all.

Awesome is Razor

2009-05-01T15:34:00.001-07:00

Today, as I waited for my ride home, I saw a fellow high school student ride away from Alta on a Razor scooter. Not a black motorized Vespa that all the rich kids ride, but a full - on, kick the concrete, gel - wheeled Razor scooter.

This made me laugh to myself, but also reminded me of the good old days when I could kick my scooter down the street to play Nintendo with my fellow eleven year old friends, or watch Nickelodeon without Abby asking me 'What the H are you watching?' The days when I could get my skiing belt slide thing in cub scouts without ever touching snow. When I was the only kid who knew that school didn't count yet, and my tessalation assignment for math could look like crap and I could still go to college someday.

Then I reminded myself that I was standing outside my high school, and some kid just rode off on a scooter. What a nerd. He needs to grow up.

Yeah, youw pwobabwy wight.

2009-04-08T21:41:00.000-07:00

I was inspired by Amy and Anna's blog to do this.

Connor needs:

1. Connor needs your help!

2. Connor needs a band.

3. (I think) Connor needs another hug!

4. Connor needs to be clear.

5. Connor needs to take his meds.

6. Connor needs a date. ( I am 16 now...)

7. Connor needs to bone up on his video gaming skills.

8. Connor needs a home.

9. Connor needs immediate prayers.

10. Connor needs Ritalin. ( Wow. Number five and number 10 are offensive. Not really.)

Also, I am officially applying to Pirate O's tomorrow. I have to tuck in my shirt and be there between 10 and noon. Seriously. It's kind of ridiculous, but I will do anything to work there. That's probably a lie.

It's my Birthday! (yesterday)

2009-04-06T20:08:00.002-07:00

It was my b - day on the fifth. It reminded me of this classic SNL clip on the previous post. I'm doing two seperate posts because if I put text with the video, the video won't work. Enjoy.

2009-04-06T20:08:00.001-07:00

Dear Dum - Dums,

2009-03-23T15:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Alta SBO's,
I would just like you to know that you are the coolest people alive. I wish I could hang out with you ever day, but your greatness seems just too high for me. Man, I wish I was as funny as you guys. You never cease to amaze me with your wittiness on the morning announcements. And I also wish I could be as close to all of the super rad teachers at Alta. You guys are just so lucky, I can't believe I go to the same school as you.

Love,
Connor, AKA your number 1 fan.

Just a sidenote, we had a two hour assembly/ talent show today. WE ALREADY KNOW THAT EVERY GIRL IN OUR SCHOOL CAN PLAY THE FREAKING PIANO!!!!!! We don't need an assembly to tell us that!! It's Utah!!! Also, the SBO's ran the show, which induced this sarcasm - filled letter.

The Greatest Walker Texas Ranger Clip. Ever.

2009-03-01T20:02:00.000-08:00

Hey, Mal, Remember that one time we watched Conan and he had the Walker Texas Ranger Lever? This is our favorite clip from that night. I promise.

Another Realized Dream

2009-02-18T19:23:00.000-08:00

This past few months I have been thinking. Besides my dreams of working at Pirate O's, seeing big people fall down, and wanting to set Alta High school on fire, I have realized one more thing. I want a fainting goat. The only downside is that it would always be fainted, because my family would scare it all the time for no reason.

The Ultimate Utah Picture

2009-02-08T15:43:00.000-08:00

I found Utah summed up in one picture.

Yes, that is Karl Malone speaking and a Congressman pumping his fist. The only thing missing is the Olympic torch being relit for no reason and Elizabeth Smart strumming her harp.

Excellent.

2009-01-31T21:13:00.000-08:00

This week at Alta was hilarious and somewhat monumental for me. On Friday, my crippled/ recovering from surgery friend took me for a ride in the Alta elevator. I felt like I was accomplishing something that my siblings could not. Except it made me mad because some girl who has a broken arm gets pushed around in a wheelchair. Thats like midget riding a giraffe. It doesn't make sense and it makes me a little jealous.

Also, like many of Mallory's friends, I can't contain myself when people fall in public. It is just too funny. This one kid was about 6' 4", around 250 pounds, and was wearing shorts and a t shirt as he tromped through the snow. as the snow melted over time, it left a small puddle of mud. Perfect. He slid so perfectly that an even streak of mud lined the back of his leg and his shorts. None of his friends were around, but about fifty people, including myself, were around. I was behind him, chuckling to myself. When he was around the corner, I exploded. My friend thought I was a jerk, but I don't care. It was so amazing.

And then I saw the greatest picture of all time:

I don't know what it is, but Dustin being lifted up like that just makes me die. Probably because I was convinced he was a girl most of the time.

Adios.

My New Dream. Sort Of.

2009-01-20T13:42:00.000-08:00

Just recently, it hit me. I will be sixteen very soon. I'm not so worried about driving, but I'm not really excited about it either. What has been on my mind is - I need a real job. I have been reffing Jr. Jazz recently, kill me. In my brainstorming session, the thought of one job really popped out and has stuck with me - Pirate O's. This glorious extablishment was the shop where Mowry and her friends would change the sign around. Example:

Mallory encourages this thought. I think if I get the job, an eye patch would be mandatory. By my standards. We will see what happens.

Also, Dustin goes to crazy Slovak land in two weeks. Woop woop.

Worst Day Ever.

2009-01-12T15:59:00.001-08:00

I almost promised not to write about sad or bad things ever, but today was too horrible to go unnoticed.

In first period, things seemed to be going swimmingly, when all of a sudden a horrible smell that I can only describe as a burning hair salon mixed with rotten eggs filled the room. We had no idea what it was until Mr. Dittman pointed to the drain in the floor, which was spewing water. Turns out that the sewer was backed up, and the water was flooding into our classroom. It almost got to my shoes and backpack, but I fled quickly. To make things worse, we had to endure a whole class period of awful smell, because Dittman wouldn't let us go in the library or somewhere else.

On my way to fourth period, my greatest fear was almost realized, because I biffed it on the stairs. Again. It was even worse because none of my friends were around to joke about it with. These two bimbo girls just laughed at me.

In fourth period, foods, I was getting a bowl out of the cupboard, when one of the kids in my group bumped my hand, and the bowl hit the floor and shattered. Then some emo kid in my group told me I was sweeping wrong, so I gave it to him, and we realized it was a sucky broom. I did get a round of applause for breaking a crappy bowl, though. From the whole class.

So school got out, and I thought I had escaped the horribleness. No. I planned on waiting inside for our carpool, but foul - mouthed potheads made me move outside. Our carpool was about a half hour late.

Now I'm home. The End.

Pains of Growth...

2008-12-28T22:38:00.001-08:00

Lately, something fantastic has happened to me. I have had growing pains. Yes, I have now reached a towering 5' 3" height. I am so proud. I can now call Abby my little sister. I have pretty much passed up my mom, and Mowry is still my height.

Before growth... After growth. Also, creepy.

Vela Stasia, Starsi Wilson!

2008-12-03T14:55:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday, my brother went into the MTC. The pain is over. I know he will be a great missionary. In honor of his call to Slovakia, here are some fun facts:

The largest park in Slovakia is NP Nizke Tatry. It is 81095 hectares large ( I'm guessing a non - American wrote this ).

The capital is Bratislava. Dustin would walk past me and yell Bratislava in my ear a few weeks before he left.

Ice Hockey is the most popular sport. They won the world championship in 2002.

To say Slovakia in Slovak is Slovensko. Or Slovak Republic is Slovenska Republika.

To say spiderman is Konzolachlap.

Those are all the fun facts worth writing. Good luck, Elder Wilson. (that's the title of this in English).

Ok....

2008-11-24T21:08:00.000-08:00

I know I just had a post, but I just realized that I am rather negative, especially on this blog. So I am going to say everything good about my life/ confessions.

1. It is Christmastime, and I rather enjoy Christmas music.
2. I think Taylor Swift songs are pretty catchy. Sometimes.
3. Lacrosse tryouts are coming up, which means the season isn't far off.
4. I am actually having fun in high school, despite what I have said in the past.
5. I am freakin smart.
6. I think Mr. Rozanas is the weirdest/ funniest/ most Christlike in appearance person ever. I almost cried holding in the laughter when he almost biffed it in class today.
7. I think lacrosse shorts are the most comfy things ever. Yes, there is a difference.
8. My brother is going on his mission very soon, so I get a new room!
9. I am very close to getting my eagle. No, not the bird, the scout award.
10. I have good health.
11. I love primary songs.

So that's my list of awesome things / confession - type things. Happy Thanksgiving.

WE DON'T CARE!

2008-11-24T20:54:00.000-08:00

Can someone please tell me why Facebook is littered with statuses such as :

(anonymous) cannot wait for the wait for the weekend so she can hang out with her friends!!!

so and so had a great weekend!!!!

what's her face hates being sick :(

We do not care that you are going to hang out with your friends this weekend. We do not care that you had a great weekend. Everyone hates being sick. I think that the status is the biggest waste of facebook besides the relationship status. 15 year olds are not going to be in complicated relationships. I make fun of the mostly girls who waste my eyes by posting such statuses as listed above. My current status on facebook is:

Connor will trade you a magic trick for a vase.

If you have never played 3d movie maker, you won't understand.
Just venting.
GOTTA GO!!!

Ugly Love

2008-11-17T19:36:00.000-08:00

There is a plague at Alta that my friends and I have deemed 'ugly love.' It's probably not original, but that's what we call it. My description is two very awkward looking people who are suckin each other's faces off between classes. I expected people making out at Alta, but this is just even worse than you could possibly imagine.
In one such instance, a boy shorter than I am, wearing denim shorts, a puffy green marshmallow jacket, Birkenstocks, and high white socks, paired up with a girl over six feet tall wearing all black and no makeup and made enough ugly to cover the walls of Alta and scar all of the students and faculty for life. It is engraved in my mind.
Another time, Two equally tall people both wearing Cradle of Filth t shirts, (the boy had longer hair than the girl) talked sweet to each other and gave me a look almost as dirty as I gave them.
These people just love to hang out outside my English classroom, and of course I have the seat right by the open door.
I should start a foundation to end this forever.

Finally!

2008-11-14T22:37:00.001-08:00

Short post, but I am very pleased to report that there is finally a decent picture of me playing lacrosse on our computer. I always laugh because we have framed pictures of Dustin riding his bike all over and no one knows what Collin does! They don't even know my name! It's Connor! Here is the picture. Nothing special unless you see what else there is.

Tee hee...

2008-11-13T17:26:00.000-08:00

So we have these paintings above our computer on the wall. They are Norman Rockwells, and we have had them since 1 billion BC or something like that. One of them is an annoyed doctor checking a girl's doll's heartbeat, the next is a girl beating two boys in marbles, the third is a father smoking and reading the paper while his family goes to church. My thoughts of these as I was a small child/ sitting here thinking of who the people look like gave me this:

1. The doctor checking the doll's heartbeat looks like my Grandpa Wilson, and the little girl looks like Shirley Temple.

2. The girl beating the boys at marbles looks like Dustin beating Mikey Jones and Shawn Broadhead, who are both from our Washington ward, at golf. One of the boys has a weird thing in his pocket that I always thought was a golf club.

3. The father skipping church looks like our bus driver Arlene, who is like a mix of the Trunchbull and John Goodman, reading the comics and hiding from the von Trapp family.

Why are you so great?

2008-11-12T20:30:00.000-08:00

Some of you who read this will hate me, but I don't care. This post is about some of my least favorite celebrities. They are my least favorite because they never change. Ever.

1. Sheryl Crow. I have nothing against her as a person, because I don't know her, but her songs are one line over and over for five long, wasted minutes. In her hit 'The First Cut is the Deepest,' out of seven stanzas, four are wasted with the chorus, and two with the same exact verse, the one that starts with "I still want you by my side." I've done my research. Sheryl Crow is just awful.

2. Kenny Chesney. His songs may not be as repetitive in verse, but in topic, they are all the same. Every song I have ever heard from Kenny Chesney is all about fried chicken, church, his truck, and his woman. This man made 30 million dollars last year off of this crap.

3. Julia Roberts. Her characters never change. Tess Ocean and Maggie Carpenter, two of her characters (according to wikipedia) are the same exact thing. They are just mad and outspoken. She has collected an estimated $2 billion from her movies alone. What the h.

Those are my top three least favorite celebrities. Nicolas Cage and Diane Keaton are in the top 10. That will be all.

New Sidekick

2008-11-08T12:24:00.000-08:00

This week, my brother Dustin has been clearing out his room in preparation for his mission. He gave me his old Game Boy, and with it came Donkey Kong. I have become addicted, sadly. As I was playing today, I realized how stupid Diddy Kong is, and that I would make a much better sidekick. Here are my reasons:

1. I love bananas.
2. I would wear a much cooler hat than a red baseball cap. Maybe a sombrero.
3. I love Funky Kong and think we could be pretty good buds.
4. I can do amazing toe touches.
5. I can read.
6. My name would be much cooler than Diddy Kong. Maybe Connie Kong or Con Kong.
7. I don't consider any level done until I have collected all of the letters to spell out KONG.

So, if you agree, please let me know. If you don't know what Donkey Kong is, Google it. If you have better suggestions for names, please tell me. That will be all.

Ugh.

2008-11-06T22:03:00.000-08:00

I am going to take a page out of Mallory's book and write about one of my least favorite fashion 'trends'.

To all of you awkward, black skater shoe - wearing, band geek high schoolers/ seventh graders, those shirts you get from Kohl's that say 'Video Games Rock!' or 'I hate my sister and homework!' and glow in the dark are not funny or entertaining. They are a waste of money, time on the part of the manufacturer, and brain activity. Here are some that came up on the internet:

However, shirts with dragons are still acceptable, to a limit.

P.S. It is Bob the dog's birthday today. It is ten years today that we have had him. Woot.

Oh, hey China/Slovakia.

2008-10-29T17:36:00.001-07:00

So, as some of you know, my brother will be serving in the Czech Prague mission, speaking Slovak. As our family, along with about 99% of Americans, have never heard this language, I looked it up on Youtube. the following video showed up. Yikes. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlkNjPqpCSE

Oh, hey Josh

2008-10-27T17:55:00.000-07:00

If you know my sister, Abby, you know (or desperately need to know) Josh Anderson. Josh is three years old and already a chronic liar. He sits on Abby's lap every week while they read books, eat fruit snacks, color, and talk about his dog who doesn't exist. You know those huge bags of fruit snack that come in a 24 -pack at Costco? Josh can down one in about five minutes. Yeesh.
Every week, right after the sacrament, I glance to my right to see little Josh and his big ol' head walking towards us, with several books and crayons in his hands. He sits on Abby's lap and asks "Did you bring fruit snacks?" We know he knows we have them, but he wants to get right to them. After some books and some coloring, Josh usually starts to talk about his non - existant dog, Henry, who hangs out with the seven dwarfs, Ka, from the Jungle Book, and Mowgli, who he doesn't think is a boy.
One such week, his story went as follows: "So, I can't find Henry! I went home, and his cage was empty. But I think he is with the seven dwarfs, so I just need them to sing their hi ho song, and I can find him!" Abby then tells him that he needs to go in his backyard when he gets home and sing the hi ho song as loud as he can.
The next week, he said: " I found Henry! He was with the seven dwarfs, so I took him to my condo (yes. he said condo.) and put him in his cage. But then he ran away!" That is the condensed version of the story, part way through his original story we were silently giggling and he told us to stop laughing.
So, that is Josh. He will almost definitely be on another post. He is the bomb diggity.

My Greatest Fear.

2008-10-20T17:46:00.000-07:00

As you know, I (unfortunately) attend Alta High School, which happens to have several sets of stairs, as it has two levels. Being as short as I am, it is hard enough to get around the school, but these stairs scare the crap out of me.

Mallory has told me I am not the only one with a fear of tripping and falling on the stairs, but it seems like I am the only one to ever do it. And everytime I do it, it's on the very last step at the top, and I just totally lose it. The person behind me always laughs at me, and I feel like I'm going to cry. And besides the fear of tripping, the fear of slipping is there, too. Everytime I come down the stairs, some genius has left one of those little fry trays on the ground with like twenty packets of ketchup on it, and it is always right where I'm about to step. I haven't stepped on one yet, but it'll be like a banana peel on a Looney Toons episode, and I'll pull a total yard sale.

Besides my fears of stairs at Alta, I also don't like snakes or whales. Mallory knows what I'm talking about. The thought of being in a dark, cold ocean and seeing a huge whale just explode out of the darkness and head at you just makes me want to die, and the noises they make are just awful, like a Nicolas Cage movie. And snakes should just go to hell forever.

Oh, Beast.

2008-10-19T19:01:00.000-07:00

Our cocker spaniel, Bob, has the 'honor' of being the subject of my first post. Bob was discovered by our cousin, Kendall, in front of a Safeway grocery store in Puyallup, Washington. He would wait outside and beg for food and possibly money, we aren't sure. Our cousin always says he rescued him from 'the wrath of Laurie', because the manager, Laurie, wanted to take him to the pound. When we first saw Bob on November 6th, 1998, he smelled like you wouldn't believe. His hair was mangled and dirty and wet and all sorts of ugly.

After being groomed and named on the spot in a Petco, Bob was ready to come home. He started off his nights with us in the garage or in a baby pen thingy. We didn't trust him. He has since moved up the ranks to sleep wherever the heck he wants, including Abby's bed, often without her permission. He also likes to cuddle up with the plant, Clark, on the hearth in front of our fireplace.

Among sleeping, Bob enjoys eating anything we are eating, eating at the same time as Abby, running away from some robotic dog I found under my bed, having seizures, and barking at imaginary people and animals in front of our house. His barking is so frequent and annoying that we don't even look anymore, we just yell at him to shut up. This leads me to believe that we will be robbed in the middle of the day, when we are all home, and Bob won't do a dang thing.

Besides the barking, we love Bob. He is the easiest dog. He sleeps about 15 hours a day, and the rest are used for finding other places to sleep, the occasional walk, eating, or following Abby. We have so much fun with him, and we are pretty sure he doesn't even know it. Once during conference we put his hair in about a dozen mini - pigtails on top of his head with these little rubber bands. It was awesome. We spike up the hair between his two eyes so his looks like a cockatoo, which always makes our mom laugh. We always get home from church and find him so dead asleep that we can pick up his paw and drop it on the ground about three times before he 'wakes up.'

To top things off, Bob is deaf. We yell 'Helen!' or 'Wake up!' or 'Hussy!' without the faintest reaction from Bob. This puts him at a disadvantage, because he lives with Dustin, the only person on the earth who hates Bob. Dustin throws things at him all the time. It's actually pretty funny.

So that's Bob. He has survived almost ten years with us, and we hope for many more.

Why Me?!

2008-10-18T22:08:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my brain. It will change your life as it has mine.
Love, Connor.