Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Someone put a video of this on Youtube. This is THE DOUBLE that Edgar Martinez hit and brought in two runs to beat the Yankees in the 1995 Division Series. Even if you don't care about baseball, watch it. Everything about it reminds me of my young childhood, Dave Niehaus' voice, the Fletcher's Fine Foods sign in left field, the Kingdome, the fireworks shooting down from the roof of the stadium, the jerseys, everything about this makes me happier.

Go M's!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Shizzle gizzle garr

I know I do these list post things a lot, but just let it happen.


1. Someone commented on my long fingers and asked if I played the piano. This means that this year someone has asked me if I was hispanic, a few select people say I look like John Legend, and one person saw my hands and thought: piano. As a result, my new name is Juan Legend.

2. You know that lesbian Melissa Ethridge? First off, she isn't a very good singer. Second off, I've heard her new single Fearless Love about twice this week on TV. She is most likely talking about her love with another 'lady', probably a softball player.

3. The Asians struck back in my last post, commenting in English and thanking me for my message a while ago. This is turning into a full out war, me against these Asians. Who will win? Let's just say it'll be a WWII repeat. I can say that, I'm in AP US History.

4. I got my Eagle and after comparing my slideshow with the other two kids', I realized how big of a freak I am/ have been. i.e. One picture showed me spooning with Dustin on a car ride, another showed just my ankle with a fake tattoo I got on New Years. Also, Abby photoshopped my head onto an eagle.

5. Pirate O's is still not hiring.

6. Mariners baseball has begun, and they aren't doing too hot to start out, but the World Series will be theirs come October.

7. The Melissa Ethridge song is playing again right now on TV in the background. Rats.

8. I got a 23 on the ACT, which isn't too hot, but I can live with it. I got the scores I needed to get into certain classes next year, so I'm good for now. Boo Yah!

Welp. See ya.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Impulses I Hold Back

I see many things every day at school that inspire/drive me to think of ludicrous things to do.

1. I want to make a fake SBO poster with my face on it and a made - up SBO position, like Captain or something. Also, I would make it out of wood or metal so I could destroy all of the other signs.

2. Barricading myself in the attendance office and making my own announcements.
"Key Club meeting after school today, except nobody cares! The football team lost to Bingham yesterday, a special thanks to Johnson orthodontics for supplying the starting quarterback and all of the teams' cleats. If you are interested in becoming a math club officer next year, you are a huge nerd. All graduating seniors need to turn in your honor cords applications to Mrs. Stupid by Friday. Or you could go buy some colored rope from Home Depot and drape that around your neck. Mr. Barney, retire immediately. (My old math teacher. He's about eighty years old, surly, and terrible.) We'd like to congratulate Mr. Rozanas/ Jesus for donating his luscious locks to Locks of Love. Go 'Diggers!"

Taking the giant A banner on the walls in the front hallway and taking a nap, using it like a blanket. Then using the velvet rope valiantly protecting it to put around my sleeping area.

4. Starting to dance and sing on the tables during lunch. Not in a gay way, that's not how I roll, but to see how many people I could get to join me.

5. Taking all of the SBO's and class officers' jackets and donating them to DI.

Welp. See ya.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

I'll give you 20 bucks if you say stretchy pants

So, I'm at church today, right? Right after sacrament meeting ends, I'm walking out of the chapel when a guy in our ward stops me.

Churchgoer: (Shaking my hand) Hey, didn't you just get back off a mission?
Me: No, I'm seventeen. I have a brother out though.
Churchgoer: (Looking at me suspiciously) Oh... How's he doing?

For years I was mistaken for Abby on the phone, now people think I'm Dustin in person and on the phone. But do I really look old enough to be a returned missionary? The answer is no.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Yeah. I went there.

So, you know those Draper moms with the vinyl families on their car? Of course you do. Well, I accidentally got a vinyl boy and vinyl dog for my birthday and now they are on the back window of my car.
Shoutout to my aunts Sue and Jenny for giving them to me.

Also, I have an idiot story. About me.
So, I'm about to go down to my room to 'get ready' for the priesthood session on Saturday. If you haven't been in our house, the ceiling above the stairs to our basement comes to a corner. Naturally, after living in this house for 8 years I had no idea this corner existed. So, I went to skip the last two stairs, jumped too high, and bing!
I won't give details, but it was gross. I ended up getting six staples in my head from a gay, or very femme doctor. Here is a picture of my staples. They're pretty cool, kids. And all I can do to that part of my head is put neosporin on it. I can't get it wet in the shower, which is pretty awkward/tough. It feels nasty. I can't wait to get them out on Monday.

Welp. See ya.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Get out the rye bread and mustard, Grandma

Last weekend, I went down to Arizona to watch the Mariners in spring training. I went to the game with my dad, my uncle Kyle, and my cousins Kendall, Kraig, and Katie. Here's a little background to preface the story of this amazing game.

In the 1995 season, the Mariners had many amazing comeback victories. Almost all of these comebacks happened when my cousin Kendall had left the room for whatever reason. When the Mariners beat the Yankees in the 1995 ALDS, Kendall had been locked in the garage, and Edgar Martinez hit The Double that brought in two runs and sent them to the ALCS. In 2001, Kendall was on his mission in Bolivia, out of the country for the whole year, and the Mariners won 116 games, the most ever in the history of the franchise.

Back to this last weekend. It was the eighth inning, the Mariners were down 5 - 2 to the Reds. I jokingly said "Oh, that's why they're losing, Kendall's here." We decided to leave, thinking they were done. Kendall had parked closer than the rest of us. We (me, my dad, my uncle) headed around the stadium to the exits in the outfield, closer to where we parked. By the time we got to the outfield, the bases were loaded, it was the bottom of the ninth, and Ken Griffey, Jr., my idol, was up to bat. He battled his way to a full count against a rookie pitcher whose name I don't know. Then the wind started to blow towards us in right field. (Keep in mind that Kendall has left the stadium and is probably driving off now.) Griffey destroys this ball over the right field fence, Mariners win. A walk - off grand slam when we had given up all hope. I was almost in tears. Almost.

The moral of the story is: Kendall should be a Yankees fan. More specifically an Alex Rodriguez fan.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

A Few More Items...

A couple of things I've noticed lately:

1. People making Facebook profiles for their pets. Need I say more on how ridiculous this is?

2. My dog is getting harder to wake up lately. I now have to grab him and slide him sideways on our carpet to get him to go out.

3. I had In - N - Out Burger for the first time ever today. Pretty solid food, but the people who acted like it was the second coming when it opened made me wait this long to eat it.

4. I've had these reggae podcasts on my iPod for a while, and just now I've started listening to them. They're from Portugal or Brazil, but all the music in English, and it makes me feel more and more attached to my pot - smoking friends in the Caribbean. Oh, those guys...

5. Customers at Dimple Dell try to tell me new things about the place all the time. Some lady and her kids came to swim the other night at seven o'clock. The pool closes at seven thirty on Fridays, and I told her this.
"No, you close at eight thirty." She responds confidently.
"Nope, seven thirty." This had been a long week and I wasn't taking crap from anyone that day.
"NO, eight thirty."
At this point, I grabbed the sheet with our hours on it. I said we close at eight on Fridays.
"Look. We close at eight o'clock. The pool closes a half hour earlier than the facility. It closes at seven thirty." I put the paper back and sat on my stool, like a parrot. She said nothing and walked away.
"You got served, sucka!!!" I wish I said that.
That's all.